Conventional dating advice for men and advice on how to pick up girls sometimes recommends guys talk about sex on dates.
The reasoning is that talking about sex on a date supposedly allows the guy to ‘display his sexuality,’ as well as turning the girl on by getting her to think about sex.
But are those points necessary, or even true?
Does Talking About Sex On Dates Help?
First off, take a closer look at this idea idea of “sex talk gets her thinking about sex, which turns her on.” Obviously, if a guy mentions sex, her brain has to process the word. Technically she does have to think about it.
How about the next part?
Talking about sex turns her on?
There’s a very strange myth that is spread by a lot of big dating advice companies that goes a bit like this: The guy can control a woman’s thoughts and actions through his words.
I know that this can sound appealing to some guys. Personally, I prefer it when really high quality women choose me because THEY WANT TO, for who I am, not because I am using some hyped up mind control trick. Oddly enough, I’ve been able to enjoy much (read: a ton!) happier and exciting time with much (read: a ton!) hotter girls by letting them choose me, rather than trying to control them.
Bottom-line: The idea that sex-talk turns her on when you’re early in the dating process is pure speculation that isn’t backed up by objective testing. Here at DateMasters, we prefer facts and reality.
This whole idea is speculation that guy’s can control someone else’s thoughts is straight-up BS that clever marketing guys in the dating advice industry use to sell more products.
Listen man, you’re not psychic.
And neither are we. (And if we do look psychic at times, it’s simply because we are looking at the world of women and dating through different lenses. When you know the right way of looking at women, EVERYTHING makes sense.)
Straight up, we can’t control other people’s thoughts. The idea that talking about sex makes a girl turned on is a big leap of faith. In my experience, the exact opposite has been true. The less I talk about sex, the more it happens with much higher quality women.
You might consider that talking about sex to a given woman might trigger a variety of other emotions that have nothing to do with being turned on – rage, disdain, or even indifference.
Basically, her thoughts are a realm that are far beyond a our control.
What we CAN do is control our own thoughts and actions. For example, practicing self-control and waiting for her to come to us.
A long time ago, when I was first starting to get this whole woman thing handled – I was taught to be all over the girl verbally and physically as quickly and often as possible. This habit took some time and effort to break. It “felt” wrong to hold back and behave with class, rather than clawing all over her like a sex-starved octopus.
Eventually, I was willing to experiment and give self-control a try…
And I learned two hugely important things about talking about sex and touching her on the early dates:
- Not touching and talking sex didn’t make a lick of difference about how she felt about me.
- Self-control gave quality girls more space and freedom to chase me.
There were a number of other important breakthroughs I made when I stopped talking sex and touching girls on dates that I’ll talk about another day. Now, there is one more myth to bust…
Does Talking About Sex On Dates Display Guys’ Sexuality?
We’ve heard this advice again and again in the dating advice community: Talking about sex shows women you are sexual…
Ummm… Can you say redundant, obvious and unnecessary?
Every woman over 18 knows that “all guys” enjoy and actively pursue sex.
And while there are exceptions, the rule is “guys like sex, and will go for it.”
Therefore, not only is it completely redundant and unnecessary for guys to start blabbing about where, when, how, how long, why, and with whom they have sex, it’s also a trap:
Pretty much all women know guys like sex.
Some of these women have an agenda that is NOT in your best interests.
Some of these women will use male sex drives against them.
They can end up ‘winning’ free meals, lavish gifts or even a husband without reciprocating any feelings at all for the guy who is providing for them.
We want you to find hot, high value women who are genuinely into you. Not women who are using you, feigning feelings/affection, and milking you for all you’re worth.
When guys get all wrapped up into trying to ‘sexualize’ conversations not only are they casting themselves into the big, familiar, old pile of ‘guys who Chase sex’… They’re also blinding themselves to HER actions, HER attitude and HER behavior. This puts guys in a position where they can be taken advantage of by a woman with nefarious intentions.
We’ve seen way to many guys with status and money (some who even fancy themselves master playas and PUA’s) get hooked by a sexy woman who knows who knows his game and will use every bit of it against him (letting him think he is winning the whole time).
Rather than worrying about how to slip in some double entendres and get all touchy-feely with their dates, we’ve found things work out in our favor much more often (and faster) when we open up our eyes and ears, be patient and slow things down.
If a woman is honestly, truly into you, and she has a solid, well-adjusted core personality, not only will she come to you of her own volition in time – we’ve found the the sex is more frequent, higher quality and initiated by her more often than not.